I'm late.

A notion I should not even possibly entertain.  To go there would be another heartache but my mind can't help but wander to that place long shut down.

An easy task for many is probably the hardest thing I ever put myself through.  To buy a test would mean ultimate earth shattering pain... A mental cycle and path that I put up very obvious barriers to try and protect myself from.  But sometimes even my most protective mental walls of concrete break down and that thrill and fear starts creeping in.

It would however be God's most wonderful irony and test of strength.  Mike leaves in January, meaning he wouldn't be here when and if it's true.  For some reason my mind can't help but calculate, analyze, and pray for what logic tells me isn't possible.  If so, knowing my luck, this would be the way it would happen though.

July 30th was my last one.  It only lasted 2 days.  Another bit of irony because 'it' started the day before our 7 year anniversary.

I am 32 - 35 days every cycle.  For YEARS it has been this way.  Labor day weekend should have started it. We were camping and no Aunt Flo. 

My logical reasons for it not starting:
1. Stress - which I have in abundance
2. Camping - I can mentally 'hold' my period off for a few days if I don't want to start yet.  I was in a strange place with honest reasons to not want to start.  Dealing with that while camping with animals around is NOT ideal.
3. Possible cold

The part of me that I'm trying to contain keeps thinking:
1. This isn't normal for you AT ALL.
2. Grandma told you 'it' can mimic cold-like symptoms.
3. How wonderful and amazing and glorious and all things good in God it would be.
4. This could explain some VERY irrational, not normal 'PMS' -ish craziness.

We returned September 6th and now I'm more than a few days overdue. 

I just know if I see another negative, I'm going to be crushed.