Lately I've been getting a TON of flack, misunderstanding, and general ignoring.
This pisses me off. People don't like change. I understand this concept but I happen to love change. I thrive on it. God points me in a new direction and I willingly take the jump. For the better that is. In fact I could even say that it's my way of coping in situations, or defense mechanism. After all when you go through issues like I have, reinvention, finding a new path is necessary. Most of the time if it's used as a mechanism, the situation ends up working out for the better when I'm taking the path God wants me to take. I don't need other judgements, just an internal answer from god.
For the longest time I've had people shoving their intentions down my throat. People constantly telling me that I'm too smart to not be doing 'anything productive' with my life. Pushing school, jobs, religion, friendships, how I should handle my infertility, infidelity, and I'm sick of it. Why can't people just be supportive???
FOR ONCE I've figured out a path that I'm actually good at and I'm feeling resistance from people. Family, friends feeling like I'm ignoring or neglecting them. Focusing the conversation on, "Sarah we're just worried that you don't know what you're getting into... Are you sure this is the right option? Maybe you should go for business (WHAT?!?- like that's an emotional field...)... Maybe you're too emotional for this field" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? These little backwards statements make me not want to tell anyone ANYTHING that I'm doing or learning. There's a reason I have gone through so many struggles and learned from each one. I've spent a lot of energy trying to help others, especially the naysayers in this situation, and to not receive encouragement makes me feel used. Extremely USED.
People have tried to sugarcoat what they're saying and that makes me even more agitated. I've heard, 'Well they just don't want to see you as a grown up, they still see that baby.' - I'M 28 years old and taking the responsible route of going back to school to do what I NEED to do to succeed in life. I've been functioning and living on my own since I was 18- think I'm way past the point where I need help in figuring out my life direction from anyone but GOD.
There's a difference between being pissed off and overly emotional. I get pissed off when people portray their insecurities on me. I very much understand why they do it, doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't cry, I get pissed and I'm having a harder and harder time holding my tongue as I'm getting older.
Emotion is something I reserve for my husband and GOD (and my mom because she actually understands that I am a strong capable woman, she still 'moms' every once in a while but she actually respects the way I handle things and KNOWS it's done in a logical fashion.)
AND WHY is emotion such a BAD thing? If you understand what the emotion is and embrace it, you're FINE! You've actually learned more about yourself in embracing emotional issues that way!
School is my top priority right now. That needs to be understood all around. My husband understands this and even helps with my studying because he knows it's something I want that will make me extremely happy.
It's so funny that I am perceived in this way. I am probably my Pysch teacher's pet out of about 3. The only one who has actually read the homework, done detailed notes, and can ramble a definition off the top of my head. He does that because he knows I have it. Sad that a teacher has more faith in me than my own friends and family. That IS the way I see it right now. And I LOVE my Psych teacher, he's a crazy-eyed guy who actually pushes the knowledge I already possess and have spent years trying to figure out.
So no more 'Sarah's going to encounter things that I'm not sure she can handle....' That's a big crock of ...
The only thing I have to say to the naysayers is concentrate on your own life, not mine, and SHOVE IT.
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