Part of me just wanted to delete this blog and start a new one, but I'm not going to. That's the part of me saying that in the past few months my life has changed so much that I don't know if previous posts at this point are really accurate. Part of me says that this blog is kind of whiny, too emotional, brings up bad memories, and I'm at a point where I want to look past these things that I've carried. I'm not deleting. Not because I want to hold onto bad memories or struggles but because it's what I went through. It IS my life whether I want to admit it or not.
So Where Am I At In Life?
It's a good place. Surrounded by amazing people, goals in place, and looking forward to what the future may bring.
School... This is it. I am enrolled. January 19th is my first Psychology class. January 20th is English and so on weekly until May 7th...
I can't believe this is actually happening. It's been so long since I've stepped in a classroom. I'm grateful that my school fears are conquered and that I'm actually trying to achieve something pretty tremendous with my life. After a few years of wondering about what I am supposed to do and waiting for God to open a door for me into something, anything. Something to make me feel like I have true worth. AND better yet, I have a 12 year plan!
There is nothing other than A's in my future grade vocabulary. Right now I sitting on 6 failed classes from years ago and I need at least a 3.0 to get into the transfer program that I want. Nothing less than a 3.25 to get into the graduate programs. It's a lot of pressure but I am, and WILLING myself, to be confident I will succeed.
I watched my Mother walk across a college stage and receive her honor society acceptance. It was fabulous! At 64 years old she decided to go to school and I don't think I have ever been so proud to say that she is my mother and inspiration. That night my sister said, "Do you think I'll be watching you next year walk across that stage?" At that point I shrugged it off and said something like, "Ah I wouldn't hold your breath." But the more and more I thought about it, I realized I AM my Mother's daughter. I have her DNA, drive, work ethic, and if I plan on getting into my bachelor's program, (master's, etc) I HAVE to walk across that stage. Pressure.... but it's the good kind!
On the note of my sister, baby number 5 is due in April. I'm way over any angst I may have had about the situation and just realized at some point I need to choose love. It's a baby boy and I am SO excited to have another little one in the family! I think of my nieces and nephews as my own anyway. Advise the older ones, teach and play with the younger ones, take care of them and LOVE them endlessly. <3
On the Job Front.... I realize with how much time school is going to take, finding a job is going to be THAT much harder. Can't go retail (or hotels) and that's pretty much how my resume looks. There's no way I'm going to be able to handle the schedule for low pay in retail at the point. So I decided to wait for an entry level position in psychology / social services to open up. That way I can gain experience and work my way up as I am going through school. I am a nervous wreck about this. An amazing opportunity opened up to me about a month ago through my best friend who works for a boys juvenile reform school. I was planning to go there after I finished my Associates but she informed me that the position is open currently and works 'perfectly' with my school schedule. Basically I'll be babysitting teenage boys Saturday and Sunday, 14 hour shifts but considered a full-time employee, with benefits. PERFECT.
I haven't forgotten about my own baby plan though. As it is this moment.... not going to happen. Mike's insurance covers nothing, can't afford adoption, and need too much work on the house to foster.
BUT! A door may be open for the future....
If I get this job with the reform school I will get their insurance. Their insurance is fabulous. Their insurance covers infertility, EVERYTHING!
What my life holds now is HOPE. Lots of hope. God has opened a ton of doors, now it's up to me to figure out what to do with them.
I guess I'll leave you with some pictures. I hope everyone has a fabulous 2011!
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