Could it BE???

Yesterday was rough......

 .......But today I am excited!

I feel kind of bi-polar right now in the best turn of events.

It's funny how when you feel at your lowest point God has a way of opening another door.  A chapter that you thought closed years ago.  The vibrant youth that was gone and replaced with household chores, bills, and all those things I want outside my grasp and circle of knowledge.

For a long time I have felt like a piece of my life was missing.  I am no longer the wild child of years ago but a part of me missed her.  As I have struggled over the past few years with some extremely "adult" decisions, this outgoing fun sense of self has dissipated.  I blamed Mike for most of it.  Not intentionally but honestly Mike is extremely calm and part of me feels he has brought me down to that level.  The monotonous level of my life is even about 3-feet-under, not quite 6.  

Boring.

This old part of me was fun, carefree, spontaneous.  Words that are now not even included in my daily vocabulary.  I so wanted some of that back in my life.  To feel passion and youthful once again.

So I was sitting at my desk chair wallowing in self pity, experiencing feelings of worthlessness and I checked my facebook........ THIS was who I saw!

I nearly peed my pants when I saw her friend request!

This time I started crying tears of joy!

The amount of history I have with her and love for her is INSANE.

Very few people know me as well.

She's my best friend Casey.

Or "Kissy" as I used to call her.

She is the epitomy of the type of excitement I need.  

And she would kick my behind six ways from Sunday if she knew I had been lying in self pity!

For YEARS Casey and I were inseparable.  We grew all through our teen years and into adulthood together.  We approved and "grilled" each others men.  Wore each others clothes.  Dated together.  Did each others hair and make up every time we'd go out - not kidding.  Dreamed about our future.  Worked in Ohio together for a summer.  And at one point we thought we'd grow old together and be the "little old bitty's" sitting on the porch drinking iced tea, gossiping about our grandkids.  A long long time ago we decided we were soul sisters and would be together forever.  

About 5 and a half years ago Casey and I lost contact.  She dropped off the radar. Literally.  No one had seen her.  She managed to shy away from everyone we knew and every once in a while people would ask me what happened to her.  I had no answer for them.  I looked her up on facebook but kept receiving a "no user" status.  Typical Casey fashion.

I moved a few times during that period.  Our split wasn't because of resentment, basically just geography.  

Each time I thought about picking up the phone I asked myself if Casey would accept me as I am now, flaws, hang ups, and all.  So eventually I lost her number shifting between a few phones and it was the end of an era.

A part of me felt betrayed by distance over time and eventually I threw our "little old bittys" theory out the window.  It made it THAT much harder to try and contact her.  

I ran into her once 2 years ago in the grocery store that I worked in.  It was kind of uncomfortable. Awkward.  We kept the conversation quick, light, and polite.  Apparently it was not the right time to start up our friendship again.  But since that meeting I have missed her.... terribly.

Now that she has contacted me I feel more complete.

We have talked over 4 hours in the last 24 on the phone, after I got the "balls" to call her.  When we spoke it wasn't awkward this time.  No pauses.  Just like no time had passed at all.  And I loved every minute of it.  First thing that happened to me this morning was a "coffee" text she sent me.  Followed by a phone call and a few hours of b.s.

I always referred to my 2 best friends in school as my "two different sides."  Chaz was the "preppy one" and Case was the "badass one."  Chaz has always been in my life and I am SO thankful that Case is back.  They are my yin and yang.  Chaz is more of a conservative realist and Case is a freespirited open book.  Very much different but I love them both the same.  Case completes that part of me that I have been yearning for.  She was JUST what I needed during the dark moments I had yesterday. 

And if she just so happens to move on again that's ok because now I know that whatever happens, we will still find a way to find each other.  Although I'm hoping and praying that that doesn't happen again. Maybe we needed to find ourselves before we could truly be there for each other.  We both have been through a lot of tough things in the past few years.  

All I know is I can't wait to see her.  She only lives "11 miles" from me!!!  Craziness!  So there's absolutely no excuse for us not to be in each others lives.  I'm pretty darn happy with that!