Sadistic Ways, The Confessional

I have a confession to make ............................................................................................................................................................................

I LOVE to torture my husband!!!

Ok well not maybe the torture that you're thinking about. This doesn't include any abuse so please don't report me.

A couple of things.

I have a "going to bed" nightly list. It includes: dog's out one last time and put in cage (they can't sleep with us because I'm slightly allergic to Mr. Harvey,) make sure furnace is at 66, brush teeth, get nightgown on, and curl into bed. One problem.... curl into bed and WAM!!! go horizontal and hands, feet, and butt turn to sub-zero temperatures! Then it gets worse... I precede to cover my husband with my -24 degree extremities until he is in a fetal position............. He's a human heater and I'm cold. I get serious satisfaction out of this! Horrible right?

That's not all... I'm a picker. Sometimes Mike will ask me to get an occasional zit on his back and when he gives me the go-ahead, I go nuts. I will intensely sit there for 30 minutes picking at every deformity on his skin. It gives me a weird sense of satisfaction and soothes my OCD. I don't stop until I have covered every area of his back, arms, face, and chest. Then if it doesn't control my anxiety I start picking at myself. Maybe there's some weird dysmorphic disease out of this, kind of like people who pull out their hair and can't stop? The strange this is that I get disgusted when I watch others do the same thing. There's a video on You-tube under "world's largest zit" that I practically threw up watching it with my sister... Couldn't take it.


And... I'm a man-scaper. Mike has a uni-brow. And a bad one at that. I LOVE his hairy manli-ness but only when it's maintained. So once or twice a month I ATTACK those suckers!!!!






(I love this picture!) And lastly... but I've only done this once. I have tweezed my husband's feet.... YES sat on his legs and plucked every last hair. For sheer amusement. I thought his feet hair was gross and the thought popped into my mind and I thought it would be fun.... Who does that?!? Now my husband rarely swears but I heard words come out of his mouth that day that would make a sailor blush! I do not recommend doing this to your man ladies.... I think I did take a tiny bit of manhood that day that he will never fully recover. This one I actually feel a little bit bad about.



The only other torture I would ever want to put him through would be a waxing. I'm lucky that he has no hair on his back (that's gross) but I just want to try it once to see what it's like. But after the feet incident I don't think he'll ever let me wax him.....What do you think?